top of page
  • Writer's pictureAlice

Money and Grief Are Ruining Your Life

Updated: Dec 13, 2023

You can't avoid them but you can learn to get out of the vicious circle you are in.

Chica buscando su identidad
Image from CANVA

It is interesting how we always seek to highlight those differentiating elements that can make us unique, that make us stand out from the rest, or that are sufficiently "out of the ordinary" to help us in the different selection processes that we go through during our lives. Whether we are in a job interview, looking for a partner, in search of clients, or even asking for a bank loan, in all these situations we find ourselves in need of emphasizing our unique characteristics.


The same thing happens when we are the ones doing the selection. We are always looking for products, services or working with people who have those qualities that we consider important for our development or our life journey.


However, in an almost antagonistic and parallel way, we are in a constant race to find that common element that moves us all, and that welcomes us under the same umbrella. That/those characteristics, unifying elements or basic universals that help us connect with others and make us feel like we belong to something greater, can be translated into the feeling of "survival" or "grief."


So, when we find ourselves in that never-ending race in which we are constantly trying to excel, but at the same time we want to connect with others through unifying elements that resonate with others, how can we stop ourselves from the economic pressure where we all meet, without being in constant mourning?


That's what I want to talk to you about in this entry, as a mode of personal reflection with which you may feel identified.


In this post, I am going to develop how economic stress and loss are two realities that we cannot escape, and what we can do to survive them in the best possible way.


Going back to school or work can be quite stressful, alienating, and difficult experiences to survive


Let's go.


ECONOMIC TENSION


My coach, Cecilie L. Hjortland always tells me that if there is something we all have in common, it is the need to make money, and, therefore, those who seek to get out of the stressful hamster wheel of the companies they work for become the potential clients of another group of professionals who guide and give tools to gain their economic freedom.


I have to say that the idea of living without stress when you are your own boss is a small fallacy that all entrepreneurs believe, since there is no greater tyrant than oneself, and there is no greater uncertainty than having to constantly look for clients.


No matter how hard we try, we cannot escape the system, but what we can do is alleviate some of its dynamics through reflection and inner analysis.


Unless you become a hermit, you will always have to return to that system that destroys you spiritually. Understanding here "spiritually" that part of you that connects with your essence, or "the soul" in Jungian terms.


By the way, is the Matrix for you the world we see and live in, the oneiric, or the collective unconscious? Leave your opinion in the comments, or write to me at:



FACE TO FACE WITH GRIEF


For my collaborator Tugce Kutlu, this unifying element that I talked about at the beginning of the article, and that makes us understand and connect with each other, is grief.


According to her, we are constantly going through, and trying to overcome, different grieving moments at different levels, whether it is the physical death that takes away friends or loved ones, to the death that occurs when we suffer unexpected changes for which we are not prepared.


It is not surprising that in moments of stress, frustration, or even fear, we feel a strong connection with horror films, since they openly show us those elements of loss that occur in our daily lives, but that society tries to cover up, repress, or leave aside.


And we push aside what bothers us because it reminds us that, one day, we will no longer be here and then everything we have achieved up to that moment will be of no use.


When I was younger I used to think how absurd it was to live day after day doing the same thing, in the same claustrophobic place where all I did was wait for lunchtime and home time. Hence my long curriculum.

This is what I mean

Is it the system that is not interested in us thinking about our losses and talking about what scares us so that we can continue to be productive, or is it that we are anaesthetised, precisely because we have been sold the "money brings you happiness" mojo?


Thinking deeply through our critical thinking puts the economic fabric as we know it at risk, but for whom really? For governments full of corrupt psychopaths?


According to the German philosopher Johann Gottlieb Fichte (1762-1814):


If humans have fallen prey to political systems which treat them as cattle, then, according to the Reclamation of the Freedom of Thought, philosophy can redeem them, because 'to be able to think freely is the most notable distinction between human understanding and animal understanding.


The Foundation of the Unconscious, Matt FFytche (p.42)


The truth is that we cannot escape those fears, the pain, the terror we feel of loss.


Our economic stability is a great source of disagreements, awakens ambitions, and creates anguish and fights between us, therefore both concepts are closely related.


THE FALSE HEROISM OF THE ECONOMIC GRIEF


The only way our brain can cope with certain thoughts, and also help us develop survival techniques, is when we are not thinking about our problems directly to find a solution.


When we are mere spectators, and we look at pain in the face from the comfort of our sofas, our mental clarity can occur and we find solutions.


A scene from Supernatural can make you think about your relationship with your siblings, and it can also make you think about the peculiar and dubious way the two brothers make a living in order to continue with the family business of "helping people and hunting things."

The monsters are just an excuse to continue narrating the relationship between the two brothers. The way they survive is secondary.

Dean and Sam Winchester don't think this is so strange


Financial anxiety and pain are elements we all share. In fact, they are deeply interconnected. If we did not have to fight every day for our economic stability, we would not mourn their loss when an important client leaves us, or when we have to close our business because it is no longer sustainable. In other words, we would not feel pain if everything we have built was not threatened by the lack of money.


Precisely the fear of that loss causes us enormous levels of uncertainty and very deep pain that makes us embark on new jobs, and even connect with people who can temporarily fill our pockets "until we find something better." However, in this fight, we lose part of our soul. Maybe we will never fulfill our real dream.


Unfortunately, there is a very widespread concept of false heroism, at least in Western countries, which psychologists and other experts have been talking about for some time now, due to the high level of depressed people who come to their offices every day. I'm talking about the idea that the harder we earn our living, the more we suffer in our jobs, the more we resist relationships that only bring us pain, the more social value the final reward will have, even if we drag our intestines on the floor along the way.


What we don't realise is that in this search for social recognition, we become increasingly dull, until the day finally comes when we unexpectedly find ourselves in the middle of a depression.

Lucifer Morning Star showing his true face after asking you what you really want


WHAT TO DO WITH ALL OF THESE


For me, all this is very Gothic.


In order for you to understand a little better what I mean, I invite you to think about all the strange or stressful elements of your daily life and tell me what occupies most of your thoughts. What is it that creates those anxieties that extend over time and that trap you in a sea of uncertainties for months?


If this is an exercise that you do regularly, congratulations, that means that you are aware of how everything that happens outside of you affects you internally. But if, on the other hand, this is an exercise that even thinking about it gives you a headache, perhaps you should question this rejection.


It's not about blaming yourself, but simply stopping to think about why you avoid the inevitable.


It is true that we spend a large part of our lives imagining things that never happen to us, and that, for some reason, we tend to think more about the negative aspects than the positive ones. I think this is, in some way, a mode of survival, since by thinking about the negative aspects we prepare ourselves for them in case they ever happen. But being in that space too much is not healthy either.


It is not surprising, then, that some people do not want to watch horror films. It's as if they are in a space of more of the same, instead of disconnecting from their day-to-day problems.


If you are one of these people, perhaps it would help you to see these spaces as resources where you can find different ways to cope or overcome critical moments in your life, instead of seeing them as something you don't want to face because they are too familiar.


EVEN THE DEVIL NEEDS HELP


Experts tell us that our minds don't like to waste energy in case they need it to run when we feel threatened.


Threats are not always related to wars. To leave the comfort zone in order to think of new alternatives, the brain spends a large amount of energy that leaves us exhausted. Surely you have realised how hungry you are after spending long hours studying for an exam or preparing a project. You've been sat, yes, but your brain has been in a marathon to achieve that goal.


When Lucifer Morning Star went to therapy, he did it because he could not solve his problems with those closest to him on his own. When we are so immersed in our problems, it is very difficult to see possible solutions. This is largely due to the direct emotional connection we have with that situation, which makes us have to ask for external support.


Somehow, this happens to all of us who are dedicated to helping others grow professionally or personally; It is much easier to help others on their path than to help yourself.


Linda in Lucifer when she found it difficult to follow her own advice


That is why it is so important to ask for help from other professionals who are capable of understanding where you are going and who have the tools that best fit your profile to help you see the light.


In any case, what saves us all, at the end of the day, is undertaking that introspective journey in which, with or without the help of others, we end up overcoming the obstacles that stand between us and our peace of mind.


HOW TO FIND INNER PEACE WHEN YOU HAVE A PRECARIOUS ECONOMY


There are many ways in which you can see your economy going down the drain.


If you work or have worked for others, the uncertainty created by the lack of healthy communication between you and your boss(es) is reason enough to make you consider new ways to bring income home. This is what happened, for example, during the COVID-19 pandemic.


I always think when people had time to think, they realised that there were much more psychologically healthy options for surviving. That is why what we know today as "the Great Resignation" took place.


"The Great Resignation", however, had already begun in the heads of many a long time ago. And we see this in all those people who already inhabited the digital world before us.


Apart from the jobs that can only be done in person, there are others that can take place virtually. My life would not be the same without my courses, events, products, and online conferences since these allow me to contact people worldwide.


However, finding inner peace when you are in the midst of powerful changes, which inevitably put the economic stability of your family at risk, is not easy, especially when you know that the transition can take years.


Finding the economic balance that fits your situation first requires an internal journey at a very deep level. There are many entrepreneurs who, after years, still don't know where to go, and they embark on a multitude of courses, sign up for thousands of seminars, and are part of groups of other entrepreneurs who are also looking for the philosopher's stone.


When all else fails, the chances that the answer is within you are very high.


Do you remember Dale Cooper in Twin Peaks? He was also looking outside for what really was inside.


Before embarking on the next stage of your life you have to ask yourself many questions that have to do with your past experiences, your personal relationships, your childhood memories, and even what you dream at night.


Think about all that makes you so unique and that you don't always talk about because you're ashamed. That's the part you really need to bring out and use as a source of inspiration and guidance.


Listening to what others tell you and taking it with a pinch of salt is wise; following your intuition is still underrated.


At the end of the day, what you discover when journalling your thoughts, what your deepest fears are, and understanding where they come from can help you know where to go next.


What is it that you really want to do and how is that interpreted by the world around you? Perhaps you have to go a little further to be heard and understood. Maybe you need to learn to communicate better. Maybe you just need someone to teach you another way to see the world.


I do not have all the answers, however throughout my teaching career and as a life guide, I have managed to help others find their way on many occasions, inspiring them and helping them connect with the depths of themselves, through psychological analysis of the elements of their day to day. And we have managed to do this by bringing to our sessions examples of works, or artistic productions full of Gothic elements.


Even when you are trying to work on a skill to improve it, it is impossible not to go a little further, drawing examples from other contexts.


So here I leave you for today with some final thoughts and with my contact in case you want to have a first discovery video call with me.


FINAL THOUGHTS

  • We spend half our lives building parts of ourselves that differentiate us from others.

  • In our obsession with connecting with others, we look for those common elements that unite us with others under the same umbrella.

  • Money and loss are common to all human beings.

  • The pain caused by economic crises is largely due to the type of societies in which we live.

  • Loss can be worked through Horror films or Gothic productions, as they deal with psychological elements that resonate with our daily lives.

  • We all need help from other professionals to get out of our mental circuits that don't let us move forward.

  • The final question is whether it is worth it to continue suffering alone or if you think the time has come to ask for help.

Thanks for reading!


See you next time!


Alice


 

Do you need help to obtain clarity during your work, personal or professional transition? Do you want to start a literary project but don't know how?


Book your first free visit with me and start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel:




Did you miss our webinar that took place on the 24th of August where we talked about Horror and the Gothic from a practical point of view?


Receive the recording of our seminar, completely free of charge, by clicking on the following link:




 

Did you like this post and don't want to miss anything? Subscribe to my monthly newsletter by clicking here:


 

And finally, don't forget to purchase my digital monthly magazine, You Are Gothic But You Don't Know It for only €4.99.


The benefits obtained from subscriptions help me finance my research project Female Representations of the Mother in Gothic and horror productions through Jungian archetypes with which I help people like you on your journey of self-recognition.








コメント


bottom of page